What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
