Me. At least after what I've been through.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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