Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
