i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
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