He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
