tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
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She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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