The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize