this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
