i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
