There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I love having hate sex.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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