Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
what day is it and did you see me today?
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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