She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize