What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
