when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
