Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I am midnight drunk by noon
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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