You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
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