Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
