The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
