Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
