Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Randomize
