The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
