You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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