I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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