i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
