real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Randomize