So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
