I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
