Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
