god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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