I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Randomize
