i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
So much rum. So many feels.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Randomize
