2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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