The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
