Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
