Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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