I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
