He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
