this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
