Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
sex in a hospital.. check
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Randomize
