I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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