Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize