I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
