my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
