after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
