whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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