She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
