So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
