So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
