just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
