People with herpes should wear stickers.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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