On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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