your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
