I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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