you didnt know i had herpes?
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
