He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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