The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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