I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
