i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
