Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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