this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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