So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
