Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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