after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Randomize
