i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
