Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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