I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
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