Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
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