i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
