just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
the condom got lost in my hair
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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